in shamanism today:
the sacred is timeless so should I not date everything definitely?
on the front page
Online since January '94!
online since before!
so teaching becomes
letting go ego -
that thing I love the most these days
web ethics class
to give the students what they want I might have to give it up
as such an extension of myself -
sacrificing friends' readings, broad scope democratized structure open assignments and primary guidance informal moi
for respectability institutionale
their just reward
the course turned down for credit for
I am deemed
not responsible enough to handle it cynically cast off respect and understanding
"maybe if I cut my hair, got some nice clothes, took four courses"
widespread swarthmore uneasy
reaction to my publishing
judgement; libel and propriety
julia asked me ifI could write an apologist explanation;
nice thing about
spreading yourself so thin
enough positive feedback
from diverse sources
you feel mostly sorry
who diss and miss
the chance to talk.
Chandra approved the contents of her page I believe I am making a better world by revealing myself
better to write something new
put it up for folks
who would read it closely, contextually, and in dialogue with the author. without direct communication
they didn't care to assess my committment to teaching
they knew I was a jack-off and they left it at that
not effort but judgement
let that be a lesson to me
that I might not so mistreat.
I meet someone trapped between other departments their politics
power struggles never cease
out of these?
they're doing their part.
sometimes I think
they'll regret it, I'm going to be famous this is an incredible opportunity
while there could be some truth in that pride
it holds no sway in this now
I deflected ego and consternation
citing an appeal to the class
it's always possible to compromise
there are mediations
ways to make it work
our freedom has a price.
I ran all this by Rya
who definitely wanted credit
a choice comes clear
I would have to get down off my cutting edge
to meet swat standards
and maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing
we'd learn something
fuck the system she said
fuck the system has a price
they probably won't support you on that one.
mistrust and compromise heavy in my chest,
I sit to write
an hour then,
I feel both more confused and comforted
I will still have means of giving to the world;
these are flow concerns
met, they increase awareness.