Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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sept 15
for once composed before midnight!

in the midst of this evening spent with rheingold
one of the last tasty few
of garden vegetables
nusrat ecstatically saluting allah
howard's on the phone to abbe debating the future of the company
sake between us
I'm picking basil off twenty minutes past soil stems
for freshest pesto
and some vegetable stir fry with too much salt

why not
why not business like this
in the midst of marijuana and magic the enterprise was concocted so,
and now it is these fleeting moments,

enough of that, I had composed some issues I actually wanted to run by howard
a few last moments of claiming the spotlight as a source of company tension before I relegate myself to a place of quiet wisdom
right, just not being the star problem
there are so many other qualified team members

saturday I hung out with sonic
she said it was nice to spend the day with me too,
I yell a lot, like she used to
that made me mindful of attention

my brother says that "reaching for attention"
is just a pejorative way of putting it
performing, wanting to contribute
there are constructive outlets

so she was right, as often usual
most people are smart
I felt even more starved and people hungry after she left and ian meandered off and I was to my own devices left
most of those devices have a keyboard interface

I thought, a computer is retreat.
socializing running away from the problem
creating simply sublimation
how do I confront so intense lonliness without indulging, pacifying, denying?

I dunno, but I felt shitty enough to saturday night finally start writing a book.

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