Ah I think I've sealed it all off - that I can write in private here where my words once ran free I speak now only to myself or minds like mind hardworking lovelost

It's been a lost lost two nights two gone happy I am they were so hard I mean I was alone motivated to do things of communication with nothing in the room I could see. Scrawl scribble tongue lash beg plead dare pray I have nothing to invoke here. except the holy writ of the communications I use. so this is the exploration continued. the voice alone in my head. the other voices can't be trusted just now - the comments on this site drive me into doubt. and the specific invocations of my recent friends are no better - either wanting more notice or craving absense entirely.

these are small problems. there are piles of bodies just beyond the doors. and i am here wondering what i can do. these are my problems and i feel a certain ecstacy that i've been staring myself in the teary face and i still feel choked and lost but it's me and i know me better. i actually like me even impotent.