Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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august 12

tonight I wrote this, below, and moment

now night after night, when I leave media behind
I mean hollywood
and perhaps closer to russell kansas hollywood
is so often a parade of pathology that leaves me feeling loathesome

tonight I watched leaving las vegas
a much lauded film of last year
where an articulate drunk is nursemaidedd by a beautiful hooker
lies upon lies
but I guess life does take on that sheen when you're living it
I mean almost anyone who'll talk to you when you're drunk can be that pretty
but what am I watching? is it something inside of me?
my father drank, and this man dies
and so people suffer
is this buddhist - I mean, if we're aware of people's suffering then we might make a better world?
but these events unfold before me, and in their package are ineffectable
loathesome I feel because I know its true
people will drink themselves to death
in fargo north dakata, people lose track of their morality their comppass and plot to kill their family for money
it's really so absurd paying money to see this
perhaps the worst thing is the pretty woman asppect to it -
the beautiful whores, the articulate drunks
is that a lie? or just screen brought tradgedy emphasis?
I feel sad because it's suffering, and desirous people with more potential threw themselves into it - and so I want to believe
but I for one know that most descents are indeed that georgeous, and wasteful
do we celebrate this to alleviate our pain?

kalifornia - I don't even know where to begin
that film showcases psychotic thought processes
why are all the best directors and actors and cutting edge movie media concerningthe dark twisted horrid side of humanity?
dark priests!

I guess braveheart is the alternative,
ted just admit it is compelling
abstract enough - imagine the video.

why do we screen our pain?
these films - they are madness
either technologic operas of thin vieled scapegoat destruction
or cheap shots below the belt

I say I am reminded of late night cable
where all this hollywood shit is pure
cheaply beautiful and tough actoresses play sex and violence to the hilt
of course the tits are augmented
of course guys think with their dicks

why don't we make movies thirty seconds long
soon they will
pack that much wrenching footage in a single burst, and then
just compile it from old movies - sped up death and chase and love and marriage and cheat and kids and betrayal and abuse and departure

oh deliver me
let's deliver this - this roll of celluloid to millions, in huts and apartments littered with foreign dust and cola in foreign script

of course I'm listless - this is my inheritance, and perhaps my mirror?

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