Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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Amy Page

i worked at kanbay international in chicago, in the summer of 1991, and i had sex with this young woman while her boyfriend was away at west point. six years later amy fucked around with an artic warfare specialist while i was away for the summer.

part of my long term growth and development (what isn't?) was to go to honduras for two months offline. a fourth summer in san francisco, probably in the web world, would have been wrong.

but it meant leaving my baby. and not only that, cuz i'm at college a lot, and we stay closely contacted, but i was to be offline.

there was no formal arrangement, that was not the type of thing we had goin' on but rather one or another compulsion, like the relatings were so good in person that probably we'd hold out for more of the same, instead of messing around with short term silliness.

as two honduran months elapsed, not only was i not with her, but i was largely out of reach

so when i arrived back there was love,
and she turned me on faster than i had been sexual in many weeks
so i asked, as i do, right before the hot got heavy

i have not; have you fooled around with anyone else?

do you have to ask this question now?
and i knew the answer

who was it? no one i knew. boy from work. her friends weren't totally keen on him she said, he's weird. not like her type.

so did you use a condom?
yeah, we used condoms

i note the use of the plural

so now we were positively half naked and rubbed up but my will was waning and i had more questions or just now some gnawing in my chest

and she wanted some sex, wanted to be close, wanted not to feel guilty
she i didn't think it would matter that much when i did it. "now i feel stupid" she said.
i withheld on bitter things, like you should have thought of that. because i loved her in that moment, and she loved me in that moment, and how do you preserve and honour that beautiful moment without being stuck like a first class sucker with a disappointing past and a blues-song future?

but i could understand, i was far away. and she'd stopped seeing him after 5 carnal couplings, a few weeks ago. i believed her. i didn't want her to feel bad' i was so happy to see her and what does bad-feeling do for amyone?

but i wanted some resolution, and some reason to think it wouldn't happen again.

so i thought about adultery in la mosquitia
they trade on resources to reach resolution - everyone's friends
so i thought, i don't need resources from this guy
but i should be friends with him - at least open a relationship

so i said i would not have sex with her until she introduced me to him

not that we didn't get it on some, we were too close for that.
each time i said, "i love you baby" she said, "then why won't you fuck me?"
truth be told, i slipped it in once quick before we went to her work the day after noon and i recognized him as she described him not like me but built a little more and slightly bearded but young and respectably forthright, our hands met, nice to meet you matt, i'm justin. "i've heard nice things about you." which i thought was a nice thing to say. he was carrying a stack of books, which gave him ready leave to leave, and so he did, and i wandered a little with amy and left her to work.

so i got a little sense a firm grasp from the man, some honour. i thought later that i had unconsciously charged him with taking responsibility for boning my woman, as i was charging her as well.

he later muttered to her, when he saw me outside the store, that he was going to knock me down if i gave him any lip. i think things between them soured some, or became uncomfortable: hard to work with a liason granted the evolution of things; i had returned from my odessey alive and pricking and now he was a sex-less suitor. amy later expressed some discomfort with the whole thing, and said she never wanted to go through that again.

okay, i'm with it.