Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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why can't I look at you for too long I find a common theme
wanting to stare into folks' eyes
maybe it's mythology, I remember times chandra seemed to be taking a blowtorch and a monkey wrench to my brain through eye contact
I love that sustained heavy shit talkin' through non-verbal
but I geuess its a place some folks can't go
at those moments I'm mostly stuck thinking 'bout their underconfidence

and I find myself having to again explain why I'm mobile like I done in womant and ble
fast and deep go we, right, off the cuff I seem a nice agreeable chatty guy and we go places with talking
I do with most folks so there's a level reached inevitably not sustained is disillusionment?
I'm almost doin' a favour, I'm making sure you take me down from whatever expectations or promises you felt by our initial contact - I have a sensor almost that says this person is reaching for me beyond no man's land
which I appreciate
but attraction's such a fucked p thing
was it cuz my mom's distant distance aloof away? that I keep thinking I need to find a strong independently busy woman who can stand far enough back from my circle of activity to engage in mutual patronage and matericulation
lovin' now need it now why not now
heh
see you soon or later
I'll always be your friend, right, there's some I'm hard time with but vast most I love to rap with so why not go so far as we can tonight?
you're going to feel betrayed only if that increases your expectations if you want a permanent piece committment something tangible not unspoken but worded
please spend time is like a compulsive fire alarm sound of guilt and fled
I'm not trying to posit myself elite, I just find myself further off the ground in most relationships, and people who feel some connection that yearns a physical presence permanent manifestation and I just have to say to be happy
not something to linger on
but celebrate that people are love
there are so many to learn from each one
is divine

may 13 '96

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justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>