19 march, 1996

19 march, 1996

my computer hasn't been on in nearly twenty four hours
I arrive home to a room without voice mail
dark, no machine presence
but the glowing light of a power strip
to come
celestial seasonings tea in my phallic eddie bauer thermos
at swarthmore I tend to unwind at night
before class or not
having a home
I'm prone
longer entries

a lot of shit happened today
sleep at 4am
wake at 7.40
slept for ten minutes during an evening lecture
sitting down to write at 1.20am
I'm tasting marrow
and the drama -
clearing my chest colded throat scolded
I'm almost horse
can't stop speakin'
be the death of me.

web class
I tempted to trun the reigns over
that the students might not feel peer subjugated
and the inspired offered to lead
only one steps to the challenge
balthazar
his marxist information interpretation
actually, praxis
infollegence
according to my invitation
he outlines a class unit of study;
his theory
they don't have to tell me
(though they do)
folks tune out soon's he starts talkin'
cuz it don't sound like anythin' two-way
I said I'd help him work out something interactive
for breakfast I drank rare coffee
caffeine really is a euphoriant
or else it was the coming storm
barometric pressure fucks with us all
between the joy of quantum physics
and actually coming close to exclaiming my love for the school
in the midst of the social history of consumption

I feel elated to be here
students so passionate
they analyse til they foam at the mouth
spittle flyin'
I've had a vision for the web at schools
meaning to reach someone in power
finally today, the president of the college
al bloom
I scheduled this appointment in early february
it gave me time to refine my vision
before we got to the meat
I announced my intention to profile jerome kohlberg, a leading donor
in the paper
that really put the prez on his toes-tippin'
the line between response and propoganda

he's very much interested in opportunity for the underpriviledged and tennis. you'd better put that.

I started to feel like a tool,
so I turned around and offered him the handle
I'm gonna write my piece either way
it was fun to watch him try to use me.
he alloted me an entire hour,
we arrived gracefully at my agenda
broad, future scape
but in the now:
Swarthmore has the opportunity to lead
I couched my words in Al's
public relations framework
(I've heard him speak of increasing swarthmore brand recognition
, reminds me of louis)
how better to augment visibility
than to have swarthmore scholarship show up in every lycos search?
publish student papers on the web!
extend the satisfaction of sharing
you've got a regular content factory going here!
as I'm saying this
I realize again subversion
motivated, folks could get much of our juice
without the $30k geographic proximity.
actually what bothers al most
is quality
maybe only those papers we approve
review by committee for posting on the web
at first I felt this in my chest.
isn't swarthmore, writing, life enough of a filter?
if someone puts effort into something,
and is willing to share it world wide
who are you to say no?
beauty of the web,
you make it available and let filters and search engines do their magic
besides,
students got web pages
ain't no committee filterin' nothin'
but yeah,
filters, right
start somewhere
honours theses.
he's so excited
he caught some
edge of the chairism
going to talk about it
to the senior staff tomorrow.
then getting semi-specific
redesign of the college's web page
to integrate community
I've got these friends in san francisco...
...they could make some scripts
(I think the whole thing should work much like the forest
establish an ever expanding database of swarthmore articles and papers
filter or load randomly as you please
instant dynamism
leaving, high
to be accorded respect
he's seen nothing but good things from me
agrees I should be involved in future college web weavings
yeah, so I'm high
dangerous
now that I've shared my dream,
I have to let go
by the time it's viable institutional,
it ain't goin' be utopia.
[editing my day now, this is long I'm leaving out a conversation with april,
sherri johnson, michael gelman suffice to say I spent the afternoon in the computer center further expounding institutional student publishing and archiving]
researching Jerome Kohlberg in the library
if I expected to find satan
I found a financial saint,
I asked bold Ben,
can you deal with capital on that kind of a scale and be a moral person?
"No!" but I'm intrigued,
eager to explore his character
ethics
scale of his power
he's almost a hero
but that's a tough business
It's rainin' so hard,
in all deerecshuns.
I dash across campus
with a half open packback
a half inch of photocopies torrented away
camera bag open in the mud
chasin' around
still ain't mastered them elements

lecture by lani guinier
wearing stark red
so agressive
a teacher
engaging pedagogy
I thought I finished
with crumb
christ.
a trip
I like movies that take me somewhere
this one took me to the asshole of the world
turns out a fey creature was in the house
caught me for hand holding
strange quiet furtive sex between our brows
not touching
but after that movie?
anyways,
brief hallway pause in full view
she kisses me on the forehead
and leaves before consumption
I hate the inevitable
I'm really going to try on this one
she had a nice angle
I could see from five inch distant profile
the faery powdered nose of the world
curve
to be paved by progress
a good place to end
but I stopped overlong to wish hello
to hot becky
the most luscious
doing dishes at the student cafe
in an astounding red number
I'd show it to you,
but my camera still uses film.
she heard about florida
I wanted to hear about spain
jerry joined us
unabashed mooch
the world provides for the dirty rambunctous
incorrigable
how could you not love him?
he opened the fridge and made for himself a meatwich
(most times I get mine by payin'
as it should be)
refused to pose with becky for a photo
urged me to check my jerry page for innuendo
his grandparents have seen it.

there!
that only took me a half an hour to write!: 1.57
3.20, still editing, layout to be done
I'm goin' to bed.

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