1996

29 January, 1996

bitterness
some of you have sensed it recent
thank you
manifest like jealousy
I seldom feel!
satisfied with my blessin's
I ain't often got cause for green envy.
but today I latched on to this poetry seminar
as my ain't got
I've got great reasons for resentment
it ain't that I'm deservin' great
but that the others is
I want to rap wordsmithin' with
mary and brantly and aaron
and other folks who might be as cool
(but between corazon del barrio, legacy, popper haiku,
I was not deemed a worthy addition)
so I fixed my eye on aaron
not only is he enrolled
but nonchalant about it
to the point of cynicism
I figgered I'd go hayrass him.
as I approached,
eyes wild with crazy
like freaking out on a friend
would make me feel better
his six four feet, deep bleached hair
his quiet wild eyes and new lip pierce

peered at me
from behind a dirty stacked dinner tray
and an armful of books
vulnerable
I don't know what petty satisfaction
I would have gotten from torturing him
but I felt some love
and I realized
there's a lot of quality out there
I'll try for the poetry seminar next spring
and I'll help aaron carry his books out of the dining hall.

second time in a day
balthezar calls me

for jerry's number

and to find out
if he will broadcast
"over the line"
radical political talk
his radio show

listen man,
I ain't seen jerry in the three hours
since last we spoke
and we won't know about our radio shows
for six days.

balthezar,
you're one of the neediest mutherfuckers on this campus.
the other day
you askt me a computer question
15 seconds more perseverance would have yeilded

'sides, 'bout your radio show,
since you filled out your form yesterday
with your phone number, and your e-mail address
I'm sure they'll figure out a way to get in touch with you.

uncharacteristically even -
his computer arrived before the weekend
bein' he's got CP, walks with crutches,
he couldn't carry it to his room
couldn't find anyone to help him out

so it's been sitting there for days
his voice mail,
the swarthmore phone company ain't called him back
ain't fixed it yet.
we hung up
I thought about bein' frustrated,
at his neediness or inefficiency
I'm glad I was honest,
cuz things always deeper than they seem
I called him back,
tomorrow or wednesday,
I'm gonna carry his computer back for him
and help set it up.
I hope he builds a web page,
he's got a lot to say.
He was very appreciative of my offer,
and askt me to wakeupcall him
for web ethics class
(six hours from now).

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