Justin: http://www.gamers.com/search/html_template.asp?p age=feature/000626-dch/missklingon.html
Justin: that's my klingon beauty pageant article.
Howard: I'm loading it now.
Justin: tell me what you think - amy and i were discussing last night that i have no one who edits me really - i'm considered one of the best writers here and no one takes the time to criticize me.
Justin: so i miss your writing nagging ;-)
Justin: to become better i need criticism
Howard: How do humans host an alien beauty pageant? My candidate for the buried lede.
Justin: good point
Howard: Klingon pie is juicy. Show, don't tell.
Howard: Klingon charities! This is really rich material.
Howard: She stridently threatned him should have been followed by a quote!
Justin: yeah i can't transcribe klingon! but yeah, good point
Howard: We are Klingonese!
Justin: hah yeah that was a deeply surreal moment
Howard: "I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry or flee for the sake of my sanity." is another candidate for buried lede.
Howard: You gotta come out with both guns blazing!
Justin: yeah i'm getting that
Justin: good point
Howard: "Pain!" GREAT quote!
Justin: hah these women were for real
Howard: "Neither erotic nor ironic" is very good. Writerly!
Justin: thank you howard
Howard: Kissed the sausage! Great image!
Justin: hah okay
Justin: they didn't caption the photos, but that photo at the bottom is me with the winner
Howard: Very good conclusion. You might have added a couple more sentences of analysis of the klingon reflection of tendencies in the mother culture, but the last line is very good.
Justin: okay
Justin: thanks
Howard: I think it would be an excellent exercise to rework this! It has all the elements, really, and is 70% there!
Justin: yeah it's been published and i got three more articles due
Howard: Beef up the lede, see if you can get more sensory imagery, more analysis
Justin: so i can take your points and apply them here
Howard: Always, always, always, search for the buried lede.
Justin: yeah
Howard: Show, don't tell.
Justin: i have a tendency to explain the setting before i hook the audience good point
Howard: But you are getting there!
Justin: okay
Justin: good to hear it
Justin: i might ask you to read another piece when i have it ready
Howard: Start with a close-up on a startling detail or thought, then zoom back to reveal the setting.