Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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dreamin'

dream: knife kids

Tumbling to sleep after long drive home from visiting Chris and the kids at their new house. Also saw Howard sick, and Gamers.com closing up Richmond. Chinese food dinner.
dad came back to life for a night
it seemed
we talked about the type of trip we might take. in a black suit jacket i was, dressed like him, and mom herself today. a quiet family of somber but happy to be together.
here was mom and i boarding a kind of hot air airtrain, with metal wallpaper. as we walked on dad was inspecting things. is this (a certian kind of) bumpy wallapaper with baseboards? he asked a porter. this vehicle was the ropponghi train, where you could get a massage the entire ride.

we took seats in the white room with metal wallpaper
he began to talk, and then paused, waiting for the staff to leave with his silence
they took their cues and filed out

dad seemed to have a game he wanted to play, he wanted mom to play along:
how many children do you want to have? my father asked my mother as I looked on.
she scooted forward in her chair towards him, do you want me to pretend like we're starting our family? she asked.
he didn't say anything but to repeat the question. she agreed to play along by participating in the conversation.

he asked her, showing her my notepad, a yellow legal pad, that i'd left sitting out. on it, written in black scrawl along the margin, inches counts and numbers - correlating children and knives. how many children you want is how many knives will you need? mom inspected the pad.
my mind blown, i reached for the pad to start transcribing their conversation. dad looked at me in anger
mom took the pad out of my hands and threw it aside
i reached for it again, crying; i could never see him alive, so i wanted to be able to have the record of this night to revisit
they banished me from their conversation
and the garbage truck from outside woke me.

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