My Internet Lover

SXSW 2001 Internet Roast

by Justin Hall

thanks to Meg Buzzi

i'm too busy to meet in real life
that's why i'm looking for an internet wife

I put my photograph up online
hopin' someone will think that I look fine

i'm not a geek
but i still seek
lovin' through the wires
there's much mistique
for those who reek and the web's their love supplier
for ready internet lovers

I write a profile where I'm more true
I'll write three more before I'm through

I scan the listings for a good person but an entry without a photo, there's nothing worse than.

words are nice
personality is spice
but pictures are what's key
I'm free to roll the dice
charm will break the ice
and i'll find a woman for me
a pleasant looking internet lover

i met a woman that i don't hate
I could get to know her, but why wait?

we've talked in text
it's clear we're sexed
we're ready to make it real
our meetin is next
here comes the apex
it's so intense what we feel
my easy internet lover

strange to meet an internet date
she's not a looker but her photoshop's great

our first meeting is just a week long
if it don't kill us we'll be strong

so what if she can't spell
but L O L
we'll meet and soon fall into bed
it's hard to tell
a lover you couldn't smell
"please get out of my head"

I'm no fool
but I still drool
over women that can woo with words
online it's cool
to skip over rules
and talk readily of bees and birds
with horny internet lovers

singles bars are smoky and doomed
you'll find lover faster in a chat room

that's what it's like to be dating now
you can find love, but how?