my family observes my orneriness -
my family listens to my preliminarily thesis well,
jim advises me to focus on some of six topics,
which sound real interesting
not be a dillettante,
he likes the idea of a return to orality in our society
they say that appliance doesn't work, or function in that way
i insist it does until i try it myself to see
40 years ago about 11.15amthe last time the three kids and their parents ate christmas together in nebraska was probably 1963.
when jim was a 6th or 7th grader, mom was sophomore in high school
gramma allyn's sister,
married to uncle jim demming, a mystic or hippy today
they would have a huge meal with 40 or 50 people in a house
heated by two wood stoves
leg of venison, guinea hen, wild geese, turkey, beef
if there was snow, kids would be outside sledding - they lived in kind of a hollow
we left lincoln at 7am today, at in a truckstop for .5 hour, then in stuart by noonmy mother's uncle, jim demming
leave tomorrow before seven to catch noon flights out of omaha.
so, stuart, town of my childhood return home from fishing trips and sweep up the rotton apples fallen
we love thee 18 hours.
in a loincloth, reading chicken bones
great collector of indian relics that you'd find in blowouts and things
student of indian culture
[jim's] dad was complaining about boils on the side of his face,
jim demming put him on a big oak table, with his veternarian tools there, took out a big knife and cut it off.
grampa still has the scar.
once jim demming was going to a legion meeting,
he took a block of limburger cheese,
had his wife coat it in chocolate,
the children and grandchildren of schoolteachers
pose and take photos
all blood relatives here wear spectacles
there's jim the brother-youngest-son lives in lincoln
high-up at a chemical testing company
lori his wife works with the mayor of lincoln
she cares well for being born out of this loop
marilyn an accountant from boulder asks for lori's email address during dinner
linda her daughter, works for the foreign service, now posted in kenya
colin my most competative brother makes good loving conversation with the rest home pedestrians
my mother joan has perhaps gone the farthest of the three kids
here she exerts a conservative influence on my behaviour
and i percieve on the behaviour of others
like, she dissed my suggestion that we endure discomfort and a lot of effort
to arrange the tables that we 9 might eat in the same room
i took it in my own hands
and it worked out.
and other priority gifting
i went to a bookstore, a big one, with lots of bargains
and it all seemed dumb -
i/we own so many books
i tried to find one for my mom, and couldn't.
decided to wait to buy gifts for people when i find the gift.
good resolution, pre-reciept of stuff that other people bought in boutiques from their perspective.
my family nebraska christmas was fine, but my grampa cried when we left. ooo. that hurt. and so did leaving my granma in a resthome. ouch.in the lobby of the stuart homestead? resthome were five catatonic people. no waving penetration. incoherent introductions and vacant stares. a collection of the waiting to die without families.
i thought about my own mom, and honduran, miskito families. miskito old people, if they live that long, they live with their kids. romantic: the kids learn straight from living with the grandparents. realistic: my ambition would be bound by having to bathe an invalid.
what is love?