Comments on totalizing projection
commentson 2 September 2003 : 07:28, Don Wrege sez:

You'll never be ready for children. You'll always be able to afford them. And I can't imagine a better father than you'd make.


commentson 2 September 2003 : 07:42, Taylor sez:

Everyone should have to either work or live with children before they have kids. Because there is no law (in this country anyway) that a person needs a licence to have kids, anyone can have them. But not everyone should.

Working and/or living with them would seperate the wheat from the chaff, though it might be bad for the kids themselves.

Besides, there are already too many people on this planet.

commentson 2 September 2003 : 09:23, jim katta sez:

Having children often seems to come up as the 'answer' to many intelligent and talented people. But the truth is, while children are a gift of magic, they are also a JOB. So, if you aren't having success with your own job situation, I would say 'first things first' and kinda nail down your own job situation before you take on yet another, vastly more important, job.

A good friend of mine just completed her masters at nyu. She had a child years ago, really without thinking and without the father, but still happy about it (the child is a darling). but now, even having completed her masters, her life in the last 6 years has been so consumed with properly raising this wonderful child, that now, she is clueless about what to do with 'herself' and quite a bit frantic about it. as a friend, I encourage her, but privately, I think she's too dedicated to her child to really dive into the deep end of any new career. So, my point is, being selfish BEFORE you have a child, is perfectly fine. Be selfish now and dive in the deep end of whatever career suits your fancy, because once a child arrives you WILL NOT be allowed to be selfish. yes, I have friends who have balanced career and child, but they can't be selfish, and sometimes, it takes being selfish (i.e. super focused) to accomplish your dreams (beyond raising great kids).

commentson 2 September 2003 : 15:08, Tish sez:

Well. You're a good Blogfather. Just because of who you are. Just because of the project that is the way you live and bring other people into that mix.
When a very dear friend of mine told me that he and his wife were pregnant I commented on the fear in his eyes. He said it was very scary. First to be in love with his wife. And then, to bring someone else into that relationship. He said, he wasn’t afraid of entrapment. He was afraid of loss. Two kids and many years later, he seems fine. But it is scary. Because there is loss.
My condolences to Jane.

commentson 2 September 2003 : 15:55, Liz sez:

I know how you feel Justin. I'm 40 and sometimes I get into that mentality that I owe my parents grandkids, or I owe myself a child. I was never ready for kids in the past. I have seen what happens to people when they do what they THINK is the next step, just because it feels like everyone else is doing it.*ahem, can you say divorce?* Letting other people define you isn't fair to you or any furture children you may or may not have.

Also, I would love to work in an office with all of the great people I have met blogging. Instead, I'm stuck with reality. :(

commentson 2 September 2003 : 17:05, Christine sez:

I'm grappling with the same questions myself -- my friends with kids are exhausted and selfless but happy...and my friends without kids are happy as well (except they tend to be a little less exhausted) -- nevermind my friends who are having fertility issues. Life is delicious, unpredictable, bittersweet all of it that makes as someone put it "art necessary, poetry possible." Let it happen.

It's hard to plan kids. They tend to just sort of happen.

commentson 2 September 2003 : 18:46, mike sez:

I wanted kids really badly until I realized it was just a reaction to my fear of death.

commentson 2 September 2003 : 23:12, ron sez:

you are way too young for kids! Keep in mind your life as you know it will almost stop once a child shows up. Are you ready to give up travel, trips to the book or record store alone? Wait til your in your 40s.

commentson 8 September 2003 : 15:39, Quietmob sez:

I've just had my first child, a 2 1/2 month old boy. My one piece of advice is this, "make sure you're comfortable with yourself and your life's state before you go about bringing a kid into the world."

My wife and I were together over 10 years before we had a kid, and we were sure we were ready. She was happy with work, as was I. However, just recently my work life went to hell in a handbasket, and believe me, a baby senses an unhappy parent. Thankfully, and hopefully this doesn't sound corny, he also makes me happy when I'm around him, so the dark cloud lifts quickly enough so that it doesn't affect him too darned much.

But once you have a kid, that's it, this isn't something you can "switch off, trade in or sell to the gypsies." That kid is 100% of your life at that point, and you have to be willing to give a lot of your life up to it. My carefree days of spending 6 hours a day on gaming and writing are gone down to 1-2 hours if I'm lucky or can muster the strength to stay up late into the wee hours.

That said, I don't care how corny it sounds, a kid is absolutely amazing if you're ready for it. My son is an absolute blast, and rarely do I miss my "carefree" days.

commentson 8 September 2003 : 20:16, Quietmob sez:

I think people saying 'wait until you're in your 40's' don't understand the ramifications of that long of a wait. Once a woman hits 33-34, the possibility for birth defects, especially Downs syndrome increase exponentially. My wife was 33 when she got pregnant (we have a 2 month old now) and it was one tense moment after another as we had blood test after blood test to be sure everything was 'clear'. I'd say that if you're not willing to give up the freedom of youth, then wait until you're 30, but not 40. If you don't feel comfortable with where you're at in your life by the time you hit 30, I doubt 40 will be the magic number.

And anyone who looks at having a kid as just losing a ton of freedom really knows nothing about children. Now, I'm the least corny/schmarmy guy around, but I gotta say, having a kid has been freakin' fantastic. Sure it's trashed my 4-6 hours a day of free time to write/game, but damn, he's a lot of fun to have around. Even when he's screaming, puking and being a nightmare. You work through that, you find a whole new world of "fun" and while yeah, you'll miss going out with the crew for a beer at the drop of a hat (you have to learn to plan things way in advance), it's really cool being a parent if you're mentally and financially ready.

February 2005 - comments are closed on Thanks.